does she live in a pineapple under the sea?

No silly! She's in a Top Model photo shoot! This incredibly fierce shot of Ann (best picture. Four.Weeks.In.A.Row. Can we say unstoppable? Modelicious? FIERCE? "Sooooo Italian Vogue"?) was taken by Matthew Rolston in an inspired Mermaid-themed shoot. Stunning!

stomp to the death, bitches!

So it was down to the final 3 on ANTM last night - Aminat, Teyona and Allison. It was the usual drill - Cover Girl commericals and photo shoot. Teyona, unexpectedly fell apart during the commercial, which started getting me worried for her, since she was my pick to take it all. Allison and Aminat both did well. In the elimination (I only have... two... photos in my hands... said Tyra, playing up the drama, as usual) it was Aminat who was sent home, leaving Allison and Teyona left to stomp to the death, Brazilian style, in a fashion show. This left me worried for Allison who was my secret favorite - in the past, she was not the best walker. At go-sees, she was stiff and awkward - just nerves?? And on top of that, it was a swimsuit fashion show. There was nothing too weird about the runway - last cycle, McKey and Sam had to stomp it to the death uphill! Both of them totally rocked it - I was pleasantly surprised by Ms. Allison. Then was the final panel - and both girls had to show up in bikinis from the fashion show. I mean, really? They couldn't have let them change or something? Both of them looked stunning - seriously, if Allison had pulled her hair back a little more often at panel, she would have wowed them. But alas, there can only be one America's Next Top Model... but it was a tough choice...

In the end, I was right! And Teyona was crowned the winner!

Beam me up... Fiercely

So, I had planned to blog something personal, about some of my more anal-retentive tendencies like being early (for everything) and a few others, which would have been interesting, to be sure, (if I do say so myself!) if a little lengthy.

Or, I suppose I could write about how terrified I am of Sarah Palin and how she and John McCain haunt my nightmares on a regular basis (and? can I just say that no self-respecting Hillary Clinton supporter would EVER, EVER change sides and vote for THAT. Ever. That is all I am going to say. Until I have more to say though, obviously.

But I'm not gonna do either of those things. Instead, I'm going to talk about the new cycle of America's Next Top Model ("heeeyyyy!") that started last night. That's a lot more fun to think about, n'est c'e pas? I love that show. I can't even tell you why, so much. I'm not much of a reality tv fan otherwise, but get 14 girls on a catwalk, doing crazy photo shoots or getting Tyra mail and I am totally there, in front of the tube, unable to look away. I missed the first maybe 15 minutes though, so I have no idea what they were doing with the whole space-age futuristic theme, although I did enjoy the line "Beam us up. Fiercely." I also like the interview phases with the girls and I feel bad when they aren't able to do things like name 5 fashion designers or 5 working models. I can, and I'm not even in the industry. It's just silly to go in and say you want to be a model and not know even the most basic things about the business. The one question that would have stumped me would have been when Nigel asked Marjorie who her favorite photographer was. She eventually said what I would have answered, "Uhh, you?"

This cycle is shaping up to be quite interesting already - there's a pre-op transsexual chick, Isis, who kind of rocks, a crazy red-headed boxer chick from Lake Forest (of all places!) whose name is Brittany, but because there were 3 girls with that name, 2 of them had to change, so she changed hers to "McKey", a zen Asian chick from Harlem, a girl from "the sticks" (her words, not mine) of Alaska, the token bitchy southern chick who wants to win and will let no one stand in her way (including Isis. I wonder who would win that fight, huh?) - Clark is her name and she looks sort of like Blake Lively from Gossip Girl, only not as cute (rrraaaooow!), there's a vegan girl who's also bi, and oh, I don't even remember all the rest of them. It is too early for favorites. The judges remain the sexy noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker, Runway coach extraordinaire Miss J, Paulina I'm going-to-spell-her-name-wrong Poriskova, and Tyra.

The first to go was ShaRaun (another Brittany who had to change her name) from Chicago.

Until next week (and I promise I will not use this space to deconstruct each and every episode... unless the mood strikes me, of course...)

C'mon, get happy!

Things making me happy today:

1. THIS! I admit, I was a little anxious, leaving our collective electoral fate in your hands, Ohio and Texas. But you came through, so good for you.

2. THIS
Woo! Only 24 more days to go and I will be seeing it too! I hope nothing falls on me!

3. Makeovers on America's Next Top Model tonight (don't give me that look. You know you love it!)

4. We can wear jeans this Friday (we're not allowed our casual Fridays during performance weeks. Don't question. Just accept. This makes me very happy).

5. The coat I just ordered from J. Crew.com. There are many things I like about it - the color (purple! pretty! the only color they had left!), the fact that it looks nice AND its thinsulate lining ensures that it will keep me warm, and that it was marked down to half its original price. Here, take a look and be happy with me...

Tyra, Tyra, Tyra....

Girl! What were you thinking? Eliminating Renee (aka NeNe) in favor of Jaslene and Natasha??? Please!!!! I loved the Cha Cha Diva Jas (shout out to my Chi-town home girl and all that) but Renee did the best commercial, she was completely gorgeous and funny, and had the most going for her out of everyone. She could have walked circles around those two on the runway at Sass and Bide. I can't believe that after all the to-do about Dani's accent 2 cycles ago that nobody had issues with the fact that the final 2 could barely string a coherent sentence together. If the judges watched the episodes, they'd hear Jaslene's extremely crappy grammar and diction. For a good laugh, I will tune into the Tyra show and watch Natasha be a correspondent. Give me a break.

Overall, this cycle was a little disappointing. The judges, while certainly not as useless as, say, American Idol, never have any helpful advice for the girls. How can you improve if you don't have any clear direction? Remember, these girls are in model boot camp. They don't know what they're doing. And please, please, please, lose the Twig and make Mr. J a judge. He sees the girls all the time. He can tell you who's a diva on set, who's doing what, who's learning and who isn't. Give them challenges where they can actually learn something. (I do like though, that the public has no say in who wins. These are the people who made Taylor Hicks American Idol and Dubya the President.) We don't know what makes a top model. You guys do. Keep it that way.

Next Cycle, pick some girls with a little spark, okay? Watching the photo shoot with past contestants reminded us that the show used to be lots of bitchy fun - the fainting chick, Kim "11 more to go" Bree "bitch stole my granola bars" and Jade etc. Those girls had personality and modeling skills. And please, no more kumbaya Tyra as Dr. Phil moments. The episode where the girls aired their grievances and TB helped Renee get in touch with her feelings was just crap. No psychobabble. More Nigel Barker.