the best thing i've read all day...

I read a review this morning of The Joffrey's production of The Merry Widow. The review opens thus:

"The Joffrey Ballet’s grand and glorious production of “The Merry Widow,” the full-length ballet by British choreographer Ronald Hynd now in a lavish company premiere at the Auditorium Theatre, might just inspire a little yearning for the rebirth of the Austro-Hungarian Empire."

Huh??

Really? Yearning? Really? I don't see how we're supposed to take critics seriously at all, when they say stuff like this. Full disclosure here: I haven't seen this and I most likely won't be. So, for all I know, the entire audience might have left the Auditorium having the following conversation:

Patron 1: You know what the world needs? A return to the days of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.
Patron 2: Yeah! I was totes thinking that too!
Patron 1: I love how they went from being primitive city-states to like, the first world superpower.
Patron 2: Yeah, Europe got all united and shit. Power to the Habsburgs!
Patron 1: It's really too bad that that Franz Ferdinand got shot in 1914, by those crazy-ass mo-fos in the Black Hand.
Patron 2: That would be a totally awesome name for a band.
Patron 1: Black Hand?
Patron 2: No, Franz Ferdinand.
Patron 1: I think that's taken. But whaevs. This ballet? Totally reminded me of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. I don't know how, since it was, like, a really long time ago, but I inexplicably find myself yearning for a return to those glory days of yore.
Patron 2: Did you just say yore?
Patron 1: Yeah, sorry, I guess I got caught up in all the yearning.
Patron 2: The costumes were pretty though, and ooh, the dancing was awesome, too.
Patron 1: Yeah. I love me a good waltz.
Patron 2: Is it me or is it really dark in that theter?

etc.

I don't remember what the rest of the review said, I have been sitting here chuckling about that opening line for a solid 20 minutes. So if anyone goes to see the Merry Widow PLEASE, PLEASE tell me if you are gripped with a sudden yearning for good old Archduke Franz whatshisname and the Austro-Hungarian Empire. And thank you, critic-who-shall-not-be-named-although-I-am-pretty-sure-any-Chicagoan-will-know-right-away-who-you-are, for helping me start out my Friday with a good laugh, and also allowing me to flex my creative muscles before work...