women on the verge revisited

"Where do you go? How do you swim in a tidal wave? What do you do? When do you know that you can't be saved?" (Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown)

I don't know where other people go, but when I found myself at the end of my rope this past November, I retreated to my island - that is to say, Manhattan. It was truly a retreat to a safe haven, a vacation to recharge my batteries from an increasingly tough situation at work. I won't bore you with details, but basically, I was getting burned out. I had the typical Bitch Boss from Hell - impossible to work with, incredibly disorganized, a crappy manager, moody as all get-out, who single-handedly brought down morale just by walking into the room. It wasn't just me, she was equal opportunity in her horribleness - everybody was on the receiving end of her dreadful personality and I think all of our department (and a few people from other departments) left meetings in her office crying. Yeah, that's a positive work environment!

Nothing I did was right. Nothing I could do would fix it. I was trying to swim in a tidal wave, getting pulled under and feeling awful every single day.

I left town with a cloud over my head, and spent my vacation feeling like something was going to happen, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I walked around the city, ate Crumbs cupcakes (so many cupcakes), saw the Statue of Liberty and of course, went to see shows. It always works wonders for me to immerse myself in another world, even if it's just for a few hours.

The shows this time around resonated strongly with my mood. I connected on a personal level with young Andrew Jackson when he sang "Life SUCKS! And my life sucks in particular!" in Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. Right on, brother! It seemed like an emo rock musical about our 7th President was totally what I needed. And I mean, it more or less worked out okay for him. He came roaring back, kicked some ass and took some names.

Maybe it's obvious that also connected on a deeply personal level with Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown because I was so totally almost there myself. It was a great show, it starred Patti LuPone, one of my favorite performers, along with the talented Sherie Rene Scott, Laura Benanti, Brian Stokes Mitchell and Justin Guarini. This almost guaranteed that I'd love it, before any of them sang a single note - but as the show got going, I really, really found myself enjoying it. It was funny and fast-paced, the music was gorgeous, and hummable, and again, I could identify with the characters, because I was rather close to the edge myself.

"Welcome to the edge, the verge, the ledge," sings Patti/Lucia, "The bridge is out, you're looking in the mirror, baby. This is where it rips, a tear, a tear, a fear that what's been coming isn't coming cause it's here now..."

After the show, I had a fantastic evening out with an amazing group of people who brought me into their group like I'd always been there. They were so warm and kind and generous, I had almost forgotten that people could be normal and nice and kind and respectful to each other.

Still, I felt I was teetering on the edge (the verge, the ledge) and when I got back to town after my long weekend away, floating on cloud 9, I went in to work, feeling like something was about to happen.

I was right.

I was let go later that day. Two days before my birthday. The week of Thanksgiving. The reason I was given by captain Bitcherton? "It's not working out." Despite three years of excellent reviews, by the way. Nary a black mark on my record. Whose life sucks, in particular? I can kind of laugh about it now, but it was a really hard couple of months. You try being unemployed during Christmas and tell me how much fun it is.

Fast forward to today - to quote Andrew Jackson, "that's right, motherfuckers! Jackson's back!" And so am I. I have a new job that I love, thanks in part, to the people I was with in New York, my own personal "silver linings".

The Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown cast album was released on iTunes last week, and I promptly downloaded it. I haven't stopped listening to it since I bought it. It brought back all of this stuff, which is why I am telling you about it now. It holds kind of a special place in my heart, so if you haven't heard the music GO NOW to iTunes and download it. My faves are "Island" (one of them that stuck with me from when I saw it), "Model Behavior", "Time Stood Still", "Lovesick" and "Invisible". Go now. Download. Make some gazpacho. Listen. Enjoy. Repeat. And repeat, and repeat.

I was delighted that the show was recognized with Tony nominations today - one for Patti, one for Laura and one for David Yazbek. I wish more people had gotten to go and enjoy the show. The reviews were not great and I think that's kind of unfair. It was not a bad little show, I think it was really quite wonderful.

The power of live theater - it can be quite healing, you know?