SPOILER-SPOILER-SPOILER-SPOILER-SPOILER
(don't read this if you don't want to know. Okay, you've been warned.)
Where did we leave Sookie? Oh, right, in the arms of Eric Northman. But she's far more dumber than your average, not blind woman, and throws him out. Kind of. She asks him to leave, in very strong terms. He owns the house, right? She can't revoke his invitation, so she has to use her fairy powers of persuasion. Or whatever. Eric swaggers off, Sookie runs off to Bill. Sorry, that's King Bill to us peons. He even has guards around the house. She whines about how Eric bought her house and like, now he's always there and stuff. Um, that's a problem because why? Bill is all like "Ah will take cayur of that fer yew." Then he flashes back to the 80s when he was a punk vampire in London and made some kind of secret vampire deal with Nan Flanigan (oh, yay, she's a permanent cast member!). And we found out that Louis Pasteur was masterminding the creation of the synthetic blood. Sure, he can be a vampire, but where's Bubba??
Maybe he should be doing something to improve vampire/human relations in the post-Russell Edgington world. The crazies are protesting outside Fangtasia, and Hoyt gets into it with one of the protesters. Later on, Jess offers some of her blood, but Hoyt doesn't want it. Jess gets upset and takes off in the car. She says she's off for some advil for him, but she heads to Shreveport instead.... there's a hot fangbanger that she's got her eye on... Baby vampire gone wild...
In Hot Shot, Jason is feeding hungry were-panthers (he's sort of like their brother-cousin now, I guess, right?) and they lock him in a freezer. Crazy Felton and Crystal have a plan for him - they're gonna turn him into a panther, too, so that he and Crystal can have baby panthers. Dude, Jason, we told you that girl was trouble!
Meanwhile back at the ranch - wait, magic shoppe, Lafayette and the coven re-animate a bird and awaken all kinds of dark forces and shit. Oooohhhhhh, spooky witches. Bill has a spy on the inside, as it were, and orders Eric (!! Dammit, Bill, WTF!) to go to the magic shop and, in the words of Jack Donaghy, "Shut it down." But first, he asks Eric to sell Sookie's house back to her. Or, short of that, to Bill. That would be hell to the n-o. Your majesty. But Marnie's getting excited and wants the gang to try and reanimate a human - fun times for a Friday night! Eric busts in, on cue, asking if anybody's looking for a dead body. But no, he's just kidding. He's not there to play, he's there to shut.it.down. He grabs Marnie who starts chanting. Lafayette joins in when Eric grabs Tara. And then the dark forces really start a-brewing. Marnie has tapped into something really dark and dangerous...
Back to Sookie. She's driving down her street in her little yellow car, thinking Sookie-thoughts when she sees.... a running shirtless man. Oh no! What to do! But then she sees... it's Eric. Who somehow lost his shirt between the magic shop and Sookie's street. Whatever, don't overthink it!! He's looking (adorably) lost and confused and she calls out to him. "Eric," she says, "You know me." And he's all like "No, I don't" and she's all "It's Sookie."
"Who?"
{Swoon}
And end of episode two. What's happening in Bon Temps?
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