Trick or Treat....

Pumpkins in Daley Plaza...

Yikes. Some of these are gross, huh?

When I was growing up, we'd always have a costume parade at school. I don't remember a year when it wasn't cold and rainy and so we'd be parading up and down the street outside school with our coats on. So it just looked like a bunch of kids wandering down the middle of the street, since no one could see our costumes under the coats.

I don't remember the last time I actually dressed up, although for a while, I would wear a little sequined crown to work (no, not all the time! just on Halloween). We also get about 2 trick or treaters by the house. In the suburbs. Seriously. When we were kids (arrgh! I'm this close away to saying "Back in the day") we'd go to EVERY house. With, like, pillowcases. But whatever. More candy for me.

i saw the sign...

Some signage spotted while strolling on Saturday...

From PattyBurger on Adams St.

Ad for the Museum of Contemporary Art in a bus shelter on State and Washington

My favorite sign, I think ever, comes from my alma mater Loyola University. On one of the seminary buildings there was this big sign that was all black and a sliver of white at the top (like a priest's collar) and it said "If you're looking for a sign from God - this is it." It's not there any more or you'd be seeing that, too.

Halloween, Chicago Style

Or, okay, fine - "Chicagoween" - as they (not I) call it. I walked thru Daley Plaza a few Saturdays ago before I had to go and work at one of our performances. I admit, I was drawn in by the orange water in the fountain (yes, I really am that easily dazzled) and I looked at the carved pumpkins etc. I must have missed all the action though, because when I was there, there wasn't a lot happening. A few people milling around in costume, food vendors, and a tent that said "Wicked" on it - I think some of the cast performed at some point. But otherwise, nada. But look! Someone got married!

During the week though, I did see some acrobats etc., so I guess there is truly some fun to be had at "Chicagoween" in the Plaza.

(I Swear I am not Making This Up)

For everyone who has not worked in an office before, here are a few helpful suggestions from one who has been an office drone since she graduated college:

1. If you are bored in your new job and find yourself with nothing to do, you might consider: a. quitting your new job or b. talking to your boss to see what you are supposed to be doing, but c. and I cannot stress this enough - looking at "adult content" websites in your office? Not really an acceptable alternative.

2. However, if you feel the need to troll these "adult content" websites (and you know what I am talking about here) at work, please please PLEASE DON'T PRINT STUFF OUT to the shared department printer.

3. But if you DO print out pictures (!) to the shared department printer, you should haul your ass directly TO said printer and take your goodies back to the privacy of your own office. Under no circumstances is it OK to forget what you printed out and leave it for an unsuspecting colleague (AHEM!) to find. This will leave your colleague deeply unsettled for the rest of the day, the week, and possibly her life.

4. I have more helpful hints, involving the arrangement of chairs in the conference room, the eating of other people's food in the fridge (do I really have to spell this one out?) and so on, but I think the most important lesson is the one above.

+ Update: Dear Fellow Cube Dwellers - let the above serve as a cautionary tale about the printing of the porno at the office. The misfortunate person about whom this was written (all true! Right down to the psychological scarring!) was voted off of the island this week. (Yes, it's true "there's one less place at our (conference) table...") Not just because of the incident described here although let the record show - that did NOT help.

Happy Friday!

I think this is my favoritest Patti moment ever and definitely my favorite "Being Alive." So watch it and I will think of more to say later.

On the Elevator...

You know on Grey's Anatomy and now also Private Practice, whenever a character gets into an elevator, there is always some kind of sexy drama? Like Meredith will get on with McDreamy and their flirting is interrupted by Addison (well, back in the day), or George will be on with Izzie and their flirting will be interrupted by Callie? Or Addison will be on the elevator in her new practice and Tim Daly gets on and their flirting is interrupted by a mysterious voice in the elevator talking to them? Well, okay, not so much that last one any more, since the talking elevator was nixed after the first episode. But you know what the point is here - elevator hijinks.

Maybe people on the west coast have more fun in their elevators, I don't know, but I've just met weird people when I get on here. Like today. I'm on, and I held the door for someone because I saw them coming up behind me. Then I pressed my button for 13 - but it doesn't light up. The woman says to me "What button were you trying to press? 13?" and then, because I am apparently not pushing the button correctly, she pushes it for me. It still doesn't light up. Hmmm. Maybe it's burned out.
"Well," she says "It looks like it doesn't like you."
What? Now the elevator has suddenly taken against me?? Why would you say that to someone? Even if you were joking? "Or maybe it's burned out," I say to her.
"You're probably right," she agrees. "But you'll find out, if it doesn't stop on 13."
Well, okay, thanks very much for that. For the record? It. Was. Burned. Out. The elevator does not have a private vendetta against me. Geez. Back to my coffee...

Up next...

Next week is the opening of Giselle, or My First Classical Ballet Experience. I am excited because, damn, can those kids dance. I only wish that the title of the show didn't remind me of this clip from "Coupling":




In other news Patti is going to be in Vegas on my birthday!! Woohoo! I feel a Diva Road Trip coming on.... Well, okay, maybe. Anybody in?

Anybody else want to boss me around?

Now I am getting orders from my caffeinated beverages.
My Starbucks cup* says: "Be the example: spread hope." although it does not tell me exactly how I should go about doing so. Smile at a stranger, put money in the red kettles (oh, wait, that's not till Christmas....) Hmmmm.


*I got a "Kids" hot chocolate since I felt like a warm chocolatey beverage but I don't want to be peeing all afternoon. It's the smallest cup ever. Like a shot glass of hot chocolate. And? Not really hot. So a really small cup of lukewarm cocoa. But NOT crappy Ravinia cocoa, thank you. I made up for the little tiny cup by getting a "crispy marshmallow square" (are they not allowed to say Rice Krispy treat?) the size of my face.

I loves me some Traviata!

I bought an extra ticket to see Ms. Renee Fleming in January. You didn't really think I would content myself with one Traviata viewing, did you? Up in the nosebleeds with the obnoxious Monday night crowd? I think not. My new ticket is for the main floor, baby. Although it's not super close (Row R. I think this is the closest I have ever been. Wonder what I have to do to get any closer??) And, joy of joys, this time I will NOT have to attend a planned giving lecture to get my Row R seat (like I did for Thais).

The Revolutionary Costume for Today...

Alice Temperley for Target. Have I mentioned I've turned into a total label whore for this line? Because there is no way I could afford a couture Temperley frock. This is why I heart you, Target. I have paired it with my black boots (Yessss!!! Fall is here! Time to wear the boots!) and, ummm, navy tights. Yeah. I totally meant to do that.... (NOT)

It's not fair how they sit in the drawer and trick me into thinking they're black. I mean, they're sheer hose, all, "Put us on! We're black! We will look FABULOUS with that cute dress!" Nudge, nudge, wink wink. It's a nasty trick to play on someone who has not had her coffee yet. Then I get to the office and am staring at my legs going "!@#((##&*! Are these BLUE? Nahh. No, wait, I think they ARE! They ARE Blue!!" And then I have to put up with the tights sniggering at me ("HEEHEE! We FOOLED her!" in little smurf voices...) all day long... As if I don't have enough to worry about without my tights taunting me.

Hm. I think it is time for lunch.

Tea? No thanks, I'm having beer...

Last night, I made an excursion out into the really gross sticky weather (I mean, really? High 80s? In October? In Chicago?) to celebrate my friend Heidi's birthday at Glunz Bavarian Haus on Lincoln Av. Heidi is of German descent (as I am sure you will have guessed) and loves her the Cuisine of Her People, so we like to take her to German restaurants to celebrate her birthday. Just like we usually do Italian on my birthday.

I had beer. Wait, let me explain. I HATE beer. I don't like how it tastes, all yeasty like I'm drinking a loaf of wonderbread. GROSS. But for Heidi, I had beer. Plus, it feels kind of weird to go to a German place during Oktoberfest and have a glass of water. That would be like going to a steak house and ordering chicken, no? It was a German beer - but a weird flavored variety that was half beer and half lemon soda. I figured that might help the taste. But alas. Tasted like I'd spread lemon curd over my wonderbread. GROSS. No more beer.

It was a fun night - I caught up with my friends and all the gossip (and believe you me, there was gossip!), we had a nice meal (despite a ditzy 2nd day waitress - all she could tell us about the soup of the day was quote it has peppers in it unquote.) and there was a band. In lederhosen and everything. We sang aloud at top volume and thus became the band's favorite table. Of course we took the opportunity to tell them that it was Heidi's birthday, and the lead guy put his feathered hat on her head and led the whole patio in a serenade to her. On the scale of public birthday embarassment, this has to be a 10.

We finished out the evening singing the "official" song of Chicago's 2007 Oktoberfest, as heard on The Simpsons:

Dough - what I use to buy my beer!!
Ray the guy who brings me beer!
Me - the person drinking beer!
Fa - the distance to my beer!
SO - I think I'll have a beer!
La! Lalalalala BEER!
Ti? No thanks, I'm having beer!
That would bring me back to D'oh! Oh Oh Oh.....

Why Jen Lancaster is My New Queen

Once upon a time, when I was working in Evanston, I wandered in to our friendly, neighborhood Barnes & Noble, where I spent many happy lunch hours (because I needed to get out of the office or else would start stapling things to people's heads). One day, I happened to pick up a book with a supercute cover. It was called "Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a condescending, egomaniacal, self-centered, smart-ass, or why you should never carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office" - a memoir by a Chicagoan named Jen Lancaster. This totally fit my book buying MO it had a cute cover and kick ass title. I always look at what an author names his or her book, because if they have the sense of humor to name their book something that I find amusing, it's a good indicator of how much I will like the book. That, and the stuff on the dust jacket cover (Like Amy Sedaris' book on entertaining.Really funny shit.) But for whatever reason, I didn't buy the book that day. I would see it on other visits and go "Oh, yeah, I totally want to read that" etc, but never got around to it.

Well, last weekend, I was shopping with Heidi and Jane at Borders and, given the fact that I can never go into that store and leave empty handed, I was poring over the Three for the Price of 2 table, or whatever it's called. There was Bitter is the New Black, along with its sequel (wait for it) "Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why do They All Live Next Door to Me?" Naturally, I snatched them both up and ran to the cash register.

Anyway. Jen is a little older than me (I think) but totally on my wavelength (and there aren't really that many people I can say that about). If I saw her in the Starbucks on Randolph St., I'd totally buy her a latte.

Some of the reasons Jen is my New Queen:

1. She's very snarky and sarcastic, and made me laugh out loud on the train, which made the other commuters stare at me strangely (come on! At least I wasn't as bad/disruptive to the peace as Loud Snoring Guy!)

2. She lives in Chicago, so I can totally identify with all the places she's talking about. I absolutely sympathize about the perils of our crappy public transportation (UGH slow and skeezy CTA).

3. If ever she became Supreme Ruler of the US, she would give her people subsidized pedicures and highlights, and have many neighborhood Borders and Barnes and Noble stores where we'd get free coffee and paperbacks. (Gotta love that)

4. She'd also have Kate Spade re-do our flag in florals and plaids (ditto on that).

5. She gets excited when it's red-cup, gingerbread latte season at Starbucks (Right?)

6. Her new holy shopping trinity is Target/IKEA/Trader Joe's (Me too! Especially since Target has gotten their new designer clothing lines. I am LOVING the new Alice Temperley stuff, and as I think you all know, have made many trips to area Targets to find different pieces in that collection).

7. She plays 'Slug Bug' in the car with her husband.

8. She does not allow talking during "America's Next Top Model"

And, perhaps most importantly:

9. She hates Dave Matthews. (Which I think makes us the only 2 people on earth who don't love him to death.)

So, yeah. She's kinda like me except a little more bitter. This very hot weekend, I plan to hide out in the air conditioning and finish "Bright Lights, Big Ass." If you are nice to me, I might even loan it to you when I am done.

so naturally, my iPod isn't working...

Yesterday morning, when I sat down on the train and put in my headphones, the thing was already on and battery power was like, zero. Just before we reached Union Station, it was kaput. Bummer, I thought. So the ride home will be quiet...

It was anything but. Keep reading for a transcription of notes I hastily scribbled on an available scrap of paper..

I'm on the train and who should enter my car but the World's Worst Mother (WWM)and her bratty demon-spawn child. (Rememeber my previously documented tales of woe?) I hadn't seen them for a while and I didn't miss them a bit. Anyway. She gives the kid a Dove ice cream bar the size of his face and then, inexplicably, gets up and starts walking to a different train car. Way to ditch the kid... Wait. He's going after her. Meaning all their stuff - her purse, portable dvd player, etc is just sitting there. Unattended. Nice one. Oh, and the kid left his (unwrapped) ice cream bar sitting on the seat.

They're back. And - Gross! The kid is eating the ice cream. And she's letting him. Ewwwww.

Looks like the WWM has been joined by a friend, which means she'll be ignoring junior. Fortunately, he's watching the dvd player - which all of us can hear. Want to shoot self. Must charge iPod, Must charge iPod...

Oh, holy f*** shit. Did this woman take parent lessons from Britney Spears or what? Now she's giving him a giant bottle of diet coke. I am sitting here drinking orange juice and this 3 year old kid is drinking a bottle of diet coke. Great plan. Get him loaded with sugar and caffeine then park him in front of a dvd. A DVD! For a train ride that's less than 30 minutes (they get off at my stop). I don't even drink caffeinated beverages after lunchtime, and I'm... well, very very old. Wonder if I have ear plugs on me?

Stupid ear plugs don't work well enough. Gah. If ever there was a time I needed Patti's belty vocals, now is that time. Devil Child is now watching Barmy - sorry, Barney. WWM ignoring him. Clearly thinks big purple dinosaur is acceptable parent-figure replacement. 5 stops to go...

More on Fall TV...

This is what my life has become - I take the train, work work work, go home, have dinner, watch tv, crash. Gripping stuff, huh? They should make a movie of my life. Anyway, this is what I've been watching:

Monday: Geez, I can't remember. Sad.
Tuesday:

NCIS - wait, I know what you're thinking: a military investigation show that can't even spell "CSI"? But no. It's really good. Good plots that don't always include the military, a cast with great rapport with each other and who don't mutter their lines in rapid-fire monotone (24, I am looking at you!), and perhaps the greatest reason of all: Michael Weatherly.

House - have you been watching House? Hugh Laurie, and I can't say this enough, is brilliant. This season, the cranky doctor is trying to hire additional fellows (since his team either left or was fired). Tuesday night he put about 30 candidates through their paces while trying to solve a medical mystery. I like how this show blends the medical stuff with the character development - you know who these people are, but you don't get hit over the head with overdrawn characterization... Unlike...

Wednesday:

Private Practice - Note to Shonda Rimes: what are you doing with this show??? The medicine is marginal, and the characters are just caricatures - the divorced couple forced to work together, but naturally who still have feelings for each other (Sam and Naomi), the misunderstood playboy (Tim Daly's character), the shrink with relationship issues, the nice guy w/heart of gold (cooper), the surfer midwife receptionist, and Addison. Ohh, Addison. Again, the episode last night had its moments, but they were few and far between. These are not the whiny interns of Grey's Anatomy, but apparently what the whiny interns become when they grow up, and with not as much of Grey's snappy dialogue and catch-phrasiness. I love Audra McDonald and Kate Walsh (and you all know how I feel about Taye Diggs) and I still have hope for this show. Please please please make next week's episode be better.... Oh, and by the way, didn't Sam and Naomi have a child in the first crossover episode? I think they did. And I think they referenced said child in the premier episode, but he/she has since vanished... Who's watching the kid while both parents are doctors? And while they hired a stripper for Sam? And when Sam is sitting with his dog and Addison and Naomi are stalkerishly watching him from the neighboring balcony?

ANTM: Still watching the Top Model. Am not too invested in any of the girls yet, so these past two who got kicked off are not really missed. The best is yet to come though - since next week = makeover week!

Be still, my heart...

Is this even possible??

You know if it happens I will be there....

1st Opera of the Season....

Monday night was the kickoff of my personal opera season - La Boheme at Lyric Opera of Chicago. With all the brouhaha surrounding the opening of the season - ie the 11th hour contract settlement with AGMA - and with this opera in particular - ie the dramatic firing of Ms. Angela G (look it up, I don't know how to spell it) several days before the production was set to open - I was very very curious.

But Lyric is like the Rock of Gibraltar, or at the very least, the Rock of Wacker Drive. Sturdy, solid, unflappable. Opening Night on Saturday went off without a hitch and the performance of La Traviata earned glowing reviews for Elizabeth Futral and Joseph Calleja. Monday night rolled around - and quiet changes had been made. The poster of season stars that faces Wacker Drive had already been altred to remove the dismissed diva. The only other indication that the cast had been changed was an insert in the program announcing Elaine Alvarez in the role of Mimi. They did not make any announcement of the cast changes. They did not need to. From the Grand Foyer to the Dress Circle, and all the way up to the first Upper Balcony (a painful hike in uncomfortable shoes. Pant, pant) all anyone was talking about was Angela being fired and this new soprano stepping into her place.

I had never seen La Boheme before, but the story was familiar (from Rent. I was a big huge Renter when I was an undergraduate. I saw it many times when it toured here. But don't worry. It's out of my system.) and so was the music. The cast boasted many Lyric favorites - Quinn Kelsey, an opera center alum, played Marcello, Andrea Silvestrelli (a big, booming basso) played Colline, and Singer of the World winner (and also an Opera Center alum) Nicole Cabell played Musetta. Roberto Aronica was Rodolfo and Elaine Alvarez was Mimi.

Ms. Alvarez is 27 years old just (gulp!) one year younger than myself, and I can't even imagine what she must have been feeling when she stepped out onto that stage in her first appearance at a major American opera house. She did not disappoint the audience, who waited with baited breath to hear her first note. Honestly, she stepped into the role like an old pro. She had a big beautiful voice and was a good match with the rest of the cast (even though the orchestra, at times, threatened to drown the singers out). The audience knew what was going on, and really embraced her as the opera went on. She got a huge, well-deserved, standing ovation at the end of the performance.

It was a great night, and I am looking forward to the rest of the season. I only hope the perfume soaked woman in front of me(who made my eyes itch the entire opera), the chatty couple next to me (who shushed ME for shushing THEM - didja ever??) and the cluster of old biddys behind me (who scolded both my mom and myself for STANDING UP DURING THE CURTAIN CALL. Hello?? It's called a standing ovation?) are NOT subscribers. Sitting around this cranky lot for another 7 performances is NOT something I am looking forward to. Maybe it's the Monday night crowd??